Spending an extra long weekend in the desert is always a treat. To me, the expansiveness of the wide desert allows my awareness and energy-body to expand. I, personally, feel at home in the desert after many years and countless trips to the Palm Springs area.
There is always a certain point along the drive from San Diego to Palm Springs that I experience the magic of the mountains. Every time, WITHOUT FAIL, I get a hit or download a thought, idea or inspiration that will change my perspective forever. I’m not exaggerating either.
The hits or “signs” come in a variety of forms, whether it is a song that plays in perfect divine timing, a shift in my emotions leading to a release through tears, a concept that changes how I view relationship/partnership, or downloading an incredible idea for writing or my offerings, I am always “tapped in, tuned in and turned on” as Abraham Hicks would say.
This time, along the mysterious stretch of highway through the mountains, I was reminded of one of the first experiences I had here in the desert that kindled my love affair with the energy of the land.
It was many years ago and I was here with my boyfriend at the time. He had lived in the desert earlier in his life, so even though time had past, he still navigated through the roads and different towns with the ease of a local.
One night, after a few drinks and a bite to eat, we took a detour on our way home. It was summer in the desert, so it was HOT during the day, but at nighttime, it was warm…the perfect temperature for a strapless dress and strappy heels.
Instead of heading straight back to our hotel, he pulled up a side street that led up into the mountains. We drove up as the moon was slowly climbing in the night’s sky. We reached as far as we could go in the vehicle. He instructed me to get out. I must have really loved him, cause I did…and began trespassing (in my heels) on a property that the foundation of a new house had just been laid.
We walked (still can’t believe I didn’t break an ankle…must be because I’m so “outdoorsy”) until a view of the whole desert appeared before us. It was breathtaking.
The wind that night was incredible. It was warm, but fierce. There was power in the air…electricity. Something about having been in love with this man for 1000 lifetimes made us actually “feel” what the other was experiencing on the inside. There was no questioning, guessing or asking…we were both just “THERE” taking in the magic and magnetism of the moment.
Then he turned to me. And out of all the things he could have said to me (God knows I wondered if this would be the moment he’d ask me to marry him), he blessed me with such priceless words of wisdom that would change how I viewed the life I had lived, as well as my view of myself.
With as much depth and certainty as any human being could ever have, he said,
“Lex…I can’t believe that it has taken me my whole life to be in this moment.”
Maybe it was the few martinis we had at dinner. Maybe it was the intense energy of the desert air. Maybe it was because we were freshly in-love. Maybe it was because of our karmic connection tying us back lifetime after lifetime. Personally, I believe it was the sum of all of these parts added together to create this perfect moment in time.
I could see in his eyes, how they held the contrast of both dimension and brightness, that the words he was speaking to me were a gift. He continued:
“And I can’t believe that you are here, experiencing ALL of this at such a young age. How did you make it here in half the time it took me? You are so lucky.”
As I turned back towards the view and took in the majestic night sky with the brilliance of the luminous moon now hovering over us… I knew what he meant by “here.” I felt intricately connected to myself. Intricately connected to another human being, to the Earth, the moon, and the subtle energy of what is hidden behind the physical world. I felt intricately connected – but liberated! Intimately connected…but completely FREE.
This moment would change my life forever. It was one of the first moments of “freedom” I ever felt as a vibration in my body.
I had an epiphany facing my beloved and having heard, received, honored, and integrated his sweet, sincere words as TRUTH. “I am so lucky.” Those words reverberated through my system.
I had never considered what he saw in me. Me? Be lucky? But I realized, in that perfect moment, staring out into the starry vastness of the navy, night’s sky and holding the hand of the man I loved more than anyone in the world…he was right. I AM LUCKY.
I am beyond blessed to have been presented the opportunity to begin the journey of healing my wounded heart at the ripe, young age of 21 years old. Yes, every single day from 8 years old until 21 felt like a battle of “life or death,” but truthfully, looking back from where I sit now…I am overwhelmed with gratitude that I only spent a decade in the darkness before I emerged to the realization of who I really am inside.
In that moment, standing on the top of a mountain, heart wide and exposed, my inner world began to shift and change to align with the TRUTH, that “I am so lucky.” My old story I had told myself for a decade of being “unloved, not good enough and deserving punishment,” slowly disappeared.
Even today, looking back to the unfolding of my life, I am filled with gratitude. GRATEFUL FOR IT ALL – the light and the dark moments. For through each experience, I have learned how to turn pain and loss into powerful alignment with TRUTH.
I am forever grateful to be walking my precious path, having experienced the sweet taste of freedom at such a young age. I offer sincere gratitude to God daily for having received the blessing of being taught how alignment with TRUTH can be used as a tool to help others transform that which is dark, cold and limiting within themselves.
Today…having the gift of time and the means to spend 4 days in the desert reminds me of how truly “lucky” I am. I am continuously reminded of my fight and climb towards the top of the mountain as it relates to healing the wounds of my heart and reclaiming my freedom. I will tell you…reassure you…that wherever you are in life, no matter the depth of pain, sadness and loss, the path to healing is WORTH IT.
And take my life as a testament. When looking back at anything and everything that has happened in your life, from the viewpoint of standing on top of the mountain, you’ll hold a space of gratitude for it all. Because sweet friend, you will understand that for some (strange and yes, unfair) reason, it is always our darkness that leads us to healing, fulfillment and freedom.