This year I experienced a radical deepening in my understanding of Yoga as a system supporting the highest goal of self-realization. I have come to the clear understanding that yoga is not something that you can read in a book, regurgitate what a teacher has said, or even force to happen like some might immediately relate with the physical practice of the postures. Yoga is a DIRECT experience. Everything else that we “practice” are just “preparatory” steps for the beautiful gift when a moment is so exquisitely aligned that Yoga can’t help but spontaneously arise within us. 🥰🙏🏼
After a long period of introspection, I decided in April of 2019 to make some changes as far as my teaching. I chose to leave 2 out of the 3 studios I was teaching at, and please know that this was not an easy decision for me. I deeply miss my students from Evolve Yoga where I had been teaching since the day they opened, so if you are one of them, please know I look forward to popping in from time to time, I can’t wait to see you and hear all about what has been unfolding in your life.
The reason I pulled back from teaching in the community is because I felt a deep calling within me to change how I was sharing the teachings that surface within my heart of hearts as a result of my deep love and commitment to all the paths of Yoga – Jnana, Bhakti, Raja + Karma. One of my most sincere and greatest longings is to be made into the teacher I am destined to be, the teacher many of you see in me, and have seen in me long before perhaps even I was able to acknowledge myself. To all my students, thank you for growing with me throughout the years, I can’t believe that some of us have been together for a decade, what an unforgettable journey it has been, a journey I cherish and hold sacred in my heart.
To be honest, one day I went to bed and everything in my life felt “perfect” – ahha or as perfect as life can be. And the next morning I woke up with a gaping hole in my heart along with a feeling that I wasn’t living my dharma. For me to feel “off purpose” is one of the most heart wrenching things. The more I sat with it all, and sat with good friends offering their ear and humble reflections, I came to realize I hadn’t reared off my dharma route somewhere along the way, but rather that I had reached the peak of my teaching within that current construct of the creative cycle I had been in. It was time to let go of what had been, allow dissolution to sweep through what I was holding onto, and await the moment the spark of insight would direct me in the direction of what was next.
Within just a few days of my inner realization dawning regarding the internal transformation taking place, I was inspired to build out a studio at my house and set a retreat to be held within 1 month of making this decision. Ya know, kind of like an insurance policy I would follow through when I had the pressure of my students coming to the space. For I’m sure you know by now, I take my job seriously and would never want to let my students down to any degree.
Our first retreat was beautiful. Some technology issues – 🙄 – hahah but I’ve never claimed to have wizardly tech powers!! 😆🤦🏻♀️🤷🏻♀️
The following is something I wrote for the opening of the retreat. It is reflective of my sincere love + and unbridled devotion for the path of Yoga. I hope behind the words, my deep reverence for the path of Yoga is adequately conveyed.
May these words spark insight and/or rekindle your passion for the practice. Please enjoy, and if it resonates, join me and other heart-spirited yogis in one of our seasonal series, workshops, or our first ever 200hr Yoga Teaching Training beginning in February 2020.
Yoga itself offers us a formula for how to navigate through life. It does not just get us through the nonsense and the drama, or even simply provide us a strategy of how to be happy 24/7 (ahahah or help those around us be happier in our presence). When wholeheartedly embarking on the yoga journey - prepared to give every last drop of our blood, sweat and tears - we realize that what is important is actually less about what happens outside of ourselves, and more about the magic, the revelation and the beauty that blossoms and unfolds inside.
We live our lives and it may take us until we reach our 20s (hahaha the extremely lucky ones), 30s, 40s, 50s, 70s – it’s always different – but sooner or later there is some sort of call or whisper within us where we realize there is something more to all of “THIS.” Yes, the pricelessness of love, belonging, family – please don’t misunderstand me, as I am not discounting these cherishable things – AND I do want to point out there’s something else going on “HERE” that is inescapable to us all.
We can’t escape the moment when life wakes us up and forces us to honestly admit we have been looking in the wrong direction our entire lives. We’ve paid more attention to the details of the external drama than we have to our very own truth/heart/Self. This is the moment we embark on the journey of the heart – the path of the yogi – and begin to look inside for the happiness and peace we have been searching for in our lives.
Life has a way of showing us where we are not clear. Where our hearts aren’t open. Where we judge rather than accept. We criticize rather than affirm. We contract rather than expand. We doubt rather than believe. We control rather than surrender. Life will inevitably twist and turn and bind our hands behind our backs until we finally say MERCY.
This moment is not necessarily a physical surrendering of anything and rather it is a deep inner surrender and letting go. We cry “Uncle” because there actually is no other way and thank goodness for that! The illusion is dispelled, the veil is lifted, and the truth is revealed clearly. We finally come to see that self-realization and surrender are two sides of the same coin.
And this is the very moment Yoga spontaneously arises within us. That moment. That very moment we decide to make our lives about something deeper, wider and with more breadth than a simple pose, an ordinary day, a typical disagreement with our beloved or our friend, a demotion or a promotion at work, etc. There is more going on than what meets the eye.
Deep within every moment is the potential to realize the Truth of yourself, this Universe and all of its inhabitants. The substratum of existence itself is only a moment of clarity away from our direct experience – just one moment is all it takes. And make no mistake, every moment gifts us an opportunity to choose Truth over falsity, love over fear and expansion over contraction. The choice is yours. It’s right here. Now, and always.
But HOW do we do this? How do we make this choice day after day with the power and potency of our complete “beingness” behind it? Yoga. And a type of Yoga that goes as deep as the infinite heart. A yoga rooted in a philosophy that you can live by, swear by and die by. To me this is found in the principles of Anusara Yoga and the teachings of non-dual philosophy – both Tantric + Vendantic.
“Anu” is short for anugraha which means Grace. “Sara” means “flow.” Anusara therefore means to “Flow with Grace” and this is exactly what a moment of Yoga really is. There is no effort on your part, all flow baby, and an opening beyond body and mind emerges from a power beyond your doing and your best thinking. Grace is the revelatory power that wakes us up, and helps us to choose all that which is in highest alignment with a life that will turn us towards the realization of who we really are, who we all are, and directly experience the substratum of Truth permeating all levels of existence within this Universe.
And with this light of awareness – this inner illumination- everything else will take care of itself. And this is why the path of Yoga is such a worthy path to undertake, because I promise you, whatever is your heart’s deepest longing, your soul’s silent whisper…Yoga will take you all the way. Breathe that in…one thing I’d bet my life on, is that Yoga is a complete path…it will take you all the way.
Yoga is journey of making the unknown known, the unseen seen, and the darkness light. I cannot help but tear up as I write this, as I am remembering my own journey through learning, implementing, practicing and living the principles of Anusara both on and off the mat. My extensive studies of non-duality continue to be my primary passion and extracurricular activity (🤓🤦🏻♀️) as the profundity of these timeless teachings are beyond words.
Ten plus years along this journey and Yoga continues to astound me. I fall more and more in love with this path with each passing day. As the Bhagavad Gita states, “Yoga is journey of the self, through the self, to the self” and the more I invest myself down my yogic path the more I sit back and gasp in awe at the unexplainable perfection of every detail along the path of Yoga and this journey of, through and to the Self.
If you are reading this, you are exactly where you are meant to be and the entire cosmos has orchestrated this moment, for you to consider this point… Life – not just Yoga – is a journey of the self, through the self, to the self. THAT is what is always going on behind the scenes and underneath the surface, in any and all circumstances of your life. Life and Yoga are not two separate things, they are one of the same. When we realize this, the unescapable Truth that brought us to “Yoga” becomes the very escape path out of the disillusion, pain and suffering we once lived in.
Remember, Yoga is about coming to this realization of the Self on your own, as a direct experience, in your own time, through divine illumination, inner realization or the awakening through Grace itself. This is a moment of Yoga when the lightbulb turns on and you see the Truth has been with you all along.
May our heart’s pause to recognize the truth being reflected in each other in this very moment. ✨🙏🏼💓🙏🏼✨
Namaste my friend, I look forward to seeing you on the mat. xox